Looking up?

Things seem to be getting better for me. The boyfriend hasn't left me and I have a job to look forward to after school is over. Yet all these things being in place, things still don't feel right. I should be feeling pretty damn good now, but I think I just feel the same--sort of depressed and alone. I feel like I'm still going to have to put on a happy face for all those people around me. When I don't think about doing it consciously, then the mask is gone and the observant people note that my face has a truly sad look to it. I've had a few people notice this about me, so I don't believe it to be just the optical tricks of light on any given day. Maybe my hopes are too high and my expectations of people are just too unrealistic, but I really hope that isn't true. It could be that I'm just too ego-centric, too self-involved to notice that people do take some interest in me, that they aren't just waiting for their turn to speak. Which brings about the idea that if someone else were feeling down, I would hope to notice it and be able to help them feel better, but knowing me, I'd be too self-involved at that moment to really notice it and they would think that no one cares about them, leading to a spiral of misery, compounding my guilt and unhappiness, and all would just go to poo. I think I've just had too much time to think about this stuff.

Wake up call, coffee and juice
Remembering you
What happened to you ?
I wonder if we’ll meet again
Talk about life since then
Talk about why did it end

You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one
You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one

I don’t know where we are going now
I don’t know where we are going now

So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now

--Stereophonics - Dakota

Good song, helps the pain go away. Don't worry, the insomnia doesn't stay forever.